We’re about a month into Alex’s life as a New Yorker and everything has been perfect except for one unfortunate development: he needs closet space. And drawers. I suppose it’s a reasonable request and I always knew this day would come, but now it’s here. The great closet cleanout begins.
The Marie Kondo in me loves organizing and getting rid of stuff, so for the most part, it’s been cathartic. I’ve become a regular at the Salvation Army in Chelsea to the point that the workers there are starting to recognize me as I part ways with the mystifying number of water bottles I’ve somehow crammed into my tiny bit of kitchen cabinet real estate. Nevertheless, when it comes to my clothes, the edit has been a lot harder. Yes, I have some sentimental things I just don’t want to get rid of, but somewhere between trying on old jackets and realizing I haven’t worn 90% of my jeans in the last year, I realized my issue. I’m not sure how to define my personal style anymore so my closet is having an identity crisis.
I didn’t have this problem during my peak fashion girl era in the city. I know some people think all-black is lazy but I thought it was chic, playing with the contrast of both sharp and drapey silhouettes in one look, always accessorized with my platinum blonde hair. Very Lucius Malfoy. I knew how I wanted to present myself to the world and the ease of uniform dressing made it straightforward for me. But I’ve lived multiple lives since then, and now I stand in front of my closet and hate everything.
Obviously, nothing in my rotation worked during the pandemic, especially when I found myself on the beach in North Carolina. I bought little dresses for function (it was 90 degrees), then realized I liked feeling cute — pretty, even. Maybe I was cosplaying as a southern gal but on the flip side, when I’d come back to NYC and put on some of my old outfits, they felt off. And sweaty.
That tension carried into the rest of the year as I bounced between places and roles: NYC and LA for work, NC for my mom, DC for Alex, and a handful of vacation spots in between. Each place seemed to demand its own costume, and soon my closet looked less like “me” and more like the combined wardrobe departments of Devil Wears Prada, Virgin River, Southern Charm, and White Lotus. Being on-the-go made it easier to ignore the bigger problem but now that I’m back in front of my closet and getting settled back in, I want to figure this out.
I spent at least an hour the other night scrolling through every video Allison Bornstein has ever posted to try to nail down my “three words”. If you’re reading this, there’s probably a decent chance you know Allison’s work, but in case you don't, she has this genius yet daunting three-word method to help you define your style and streamline your closet. Regardless of whether or not you’re curious about finding your own three words for styling purposes, it’s a great exercise in crisping up what makes sense in your rotation and what you should (or should not) shop for.
Word #1 is meant to be realistic and practical. Basically, what’s the vibe of your most-worn articles of clothing? Word #2 is aspirational and meant to get you closer to the aesthetic you love and find yourself gravitating towards, even if it’s not already in your closet. Word #3 is emotional and should describe how you want to feel in your clothes.
Here’s what I have so far based on her formula and my current state of mind:
Polished (realistic): I like clean lines, tailoring, and generally looking put-together. In short, I don’t think I’m that “effortless” girl.
Elegant (aspirational): Most of my recent purchases and saves have a sophisticated yet romantic twist that maybe I like because it softens an outfit that could come across as too perfect/boring?
Playful (emotional): This is the hardest word for me because the reality of my emotions is that they are eclectic. Maybe that’s what got me into this rut to begin with, though, so I’m being decisive and going with “playful” because it feels like a sporty version of “comfortable” and could add an unexpected, fun detail to my ladylike outfits.
These words actually do fit some of my favorite recent outfits. For example, a dress I wore to two weddings this summer was a floor-length, A-line dress. It had thin straps that tied into bows at the shoulder and I accessorized with pearls. And there was a playful pattern on it! This is the only picture I can find of me in it at the moment. It’s from Anthropologie and not available anymore but it’s Alémais and there are a ton of similar options online. I love this one with the scalloped straps or this shorter option I might buy this weekend.
Another example are the monochrome suits I wear admittedly too frequently. They’re all from Argent and are perfectly tailored, usually paired with earrings that add a bit of eleganza, and head to toe color. Also, I tend to wear them with a clean white sneaker which is playful, I think? Let me know if you have questions about silhouettes but I have the more fitted “Chelsea” blazer as well as the more oversized double-breasted option. They all have matching trousers in various shapes, too!
Back to the closet though… I’m going to try this method as a way to make space (and yes, probably shop a little). Maybe the three words aren’t just about my wardrobe but about this chapter of life: polished, elegant, and playful. I can try. Now the only question is whether those words can stretch far enough to cover sharing half my closet with Alex.
What do you guys think about this whole concept of personal style? It it limiting? Or does it add clarity to the process of getting dressed? I don’t know yet, myself. Let me know in the comments.
I love this article, I have a closet crammed with clothes, I know my personal style but this is changing/adapting as I get older. I use sale purchases to have fun and experiment though which means I have things which sit out of my everyday uniform.
At this point in my life I've refined my style so distinctly that I do inadvertently limit myself, but I'm happy about that! I can prattle off my 3 words with hardly a thought: interesting, head-turning, and bold. (Love the 3 word concept btw and the first I've heard of it.) Makes it easy to shop, easy to cull, and all my pieces play pretty well together despite being eclectic, I think because my personality is the the through line. I treat getting dressed/my appearance as a creative process or expression so maybe that factors into my attitudes.